My Muse, The Tequila Shot

I will be the first to admit that I have a bizarre perspective sometimes. I fixate on the oddest things: a ray of sunlight hitting a sewer cover, a lock of hair curling behind an ear, the way the salt settles on the rim of a tequila shot. More often than not, these things inspire me to create. Be it a painting, a sketch, or a poem, something comes of these brief glimpses of the world. The problem is, what I produce can frequently lead others into creating a misguided idea of who I am.

Take the tequila shot, for example. I adore the way the salt looks a bit like snow. It reminds me of snowglobes, and happiness... and when I voice this, I sound like a raving drunk. And then, when I go home, I end up imagining what it must be like to find yourself in a bar every night... looking at the same people, telling the same old sob stories, trying to put aside the rest of the world and focus on the drink in hand... And I end up writing this:

Dismantleing

I gaze in empty eyed longing
at my memory of your image
falsified and altered by my imagination.
My thoughts scatter in an attempt
to remain true to your character,
while avoiding the destruction of my memories entirely.

Skirting the shores of the sea of self-pity,
I allow my tormented soul to
drink you into oblivion,
if only for a night.
For tomorrow I will return to myself,
and my memories of you,
and repeat the painful process
of temporary amputation.




And of course, most readers think I'm an alcoholic. Far be it from me to argue, because there are few things worse than an alcoholic in denial (or so I'm told). But then they read a poem inspired by a girl with gorgeous red hair, reminiscent of a Botticelli model, and mistakenly assume I'm gay.

Wrong on both counts. What I am, is an inspired artist. And it is my own belief that one cannot decide whether their art will be happy/sad/hopeful/depressing. Not when they are truly inspired. It is not for me to direct my art to where I think it should go, or what it should become. I am but another tool, driven by the inspiration offered up daily by the world. As DaVinci said, "Where the spirit does not work with the hand there is no art."

I am motivated to create by the spirit - which ultimately means that my work is sporadic, at best. But in the end, I am (more often than not) rather pleased... :)